Suki
by queen-isabell
Summary: I love you, Ritsuka. Two years ago, it was locked inside his memory, the story of two brothers. Soubi x Ritsuka, Seimei x Ritsuka. Oneshot.


_Author's Notes: This is pure speculation only. Warning for angst and... other stuff, lol. Spoilers, if you haven't watched the entire anime series. Keep reading after the end if you want to hear my ramblings and explanations about what's going on and hear further spoilers about the rest of the manga series. I hope this isn't too weird/strange. As always, reviews are much appreciated! _

**SUKI**

-------------------------------------------------------

_"Don't leave me."_

_"I love you."_

_"I love you, Ritsuka."_

In the beginning, the one who said that, who was he?

The summer sun bore down on his back and the ice cream was melting stickily into his hands. Aoyagi Ritsuka sat very still on the park bench and tried not to move at all. Next to him, exactly two hand spans away, Soubi was sitting; watching the water slowly forming in the fountain, the wind blowing through the strands of his long, fine hair.

"Ritsuka."

He started. Some of the ice cream fell onto his fingers. "What is it?"

Soubi was smiling at him, the usual smile, all the way to his eyelashes. "Nothing. I just wanted to say your name."

Ritsuka scowled. Soubi kept smiling, that deep, secret, curving smile.

"Ne, Ritsuka."

"What?"

"Does that taste good?"

"Taste... good?" Ritsuka pressed the tip of his tongue against his teeth. "I guess so."

"I want some too."

"Eh?"

His arm was caught, the slender fingers closed around his wrist, Soubi's hair fluttering around him. Soubi's face, coming closer, bypassing the ice cream and -

"Close your eyes, Ritsuka."

- they kissed, and the small sweetness was released between them. Ritsuka trembled, and something soft fell from his hands to the ground, but he couldn't remember what he was holding. Soubi was holding him, holding him whole, and... Ritsuka shoved Soubi away, standing up so fast that he almost fell over.

"What are you doing! We're in public!"

"Oh, and it's okay to do these kind of things when we're not in public then?"

Ritsuka turned bright red. Soubi doubled over, hiding his face, laughter shaking his body.

"Stop making fun of me!"

"Ne, Ritsuka." Soubi was looking at him again, those eyes beneath the glass, the real and the illusion both.

"What is it!"

"I love you, Ritsuka."

And even though he had been experiencing a perfect memory, one that he had wanted to hold whole without letting go even a single inch, when Soubi said those words; something dark and breathless inside him, cracked.

-------------------------------------------------------

The birds scattered as he walked, clearing a path for him through the grass, beating their wings desperately against the wind.

Behind him the adult and the child kissed, for one single moment oblivious to all else that moved in the world.

He moved slowly, very evenly, not drawing any attention at all. The birds flew and the insects they crawled away but the stupid people, they crossed his path and pressed around him, inexorably moving in the set course of their meaningless existences.

"Excuse me, young man? Can you throw that over?"

He looked down. A smiling face next to his shoe greeted him, the dumb, cross-eyed smile of a well-chewed, stuffed teddy bear, its button eyes mutely reflecting the ugly expression on his own face.

"Excuse me... ah!"

A little distance away, young mother straightened with an expression of shock, her arms full with her baby. Before her the young man in the dark coat very slowly and very deliberately stepped on the bear, before moving quietly on.

Things like that, which are only made to be used, should just die.

Behind him, a young, unformed voice was yelling; the words snatched away by the wind. But he would have known that voice anywhere. Another sound which was laughter, golden and arising from the back of the throat which told no lies.

_"Ritsuka, I..."_

The world felt faint. The trees loomed uncertainly, emptiness and nothingness, and the shadows of a thousand fleeing birds.

Aoyagi Seimei disliked remembering this sensation, the sensation of not being able to breathe.

Sometimes Seimei thought about Soubi. When he did so, the memories always took on hues of blue and gray and silver. Like the moon deep in the evening, it gleamed its pale, misunderstood light over a sleeping world that was waiting for daybreak.

_"Soubi... do you love me?"_

_"Of course. I love you."_

_"Hey Soubi... why don't you ever ask me if I love you, huh?"_

The familiar feeling of Soubi's back against him, just slightly longer, so that Seimei could lean on him but Soubi's shoulders felt only air.

_"Is it because you're scared of what I'll say?"_

_"It's because we love each other, that we can fight together, Seimei. Beloved, Seimei. That's you."_

_"Heh. Do they teach you that at the Seven Moons? It's a nice line. But it's okay, I believe you."_

Because Soubi's eyes, Soubi's lips, the way Soubi watched him, every time, all the time, they told him everything: _Seimei, I love you. You saved me. My love for you is the only reason for my existence. Without you, I'd die, I'd have no reason to live._

It was kind of nice. Sometimes though, when he was bored, he would wonder what Soubi would look like if he laughed.

But most of the time Seimei spent his time wondering what Ritsuka was looking at, when Ritsuka smiled innocently into his eyes and called, "Aniki!"

Nothing, probably. Because Ritsuka was too cunning.

_"Ne Soubi, tell me again. That you love me."_

Because Ritsuka had forgotten all about it.

-------------------------------------------------------

Soubi was holding his hand. Ritsuka stared determinedly in the other direction as they came up the wide street towards his house. Their shadows drew long against the empty street, the sky awash in the brilliant orange and pink of sunset.

They stopped in front of the gate. Soubi didn't let go and so Ritsuka transferred his gaze to the ground.

"Ritsuka, you're cute when you blush."

"I'm not-!" His face flew up, he realized too late that he'd been tricked and Soubi was smiling again. Soubi's long fingers were entwined around his. It fit perfectly somehow, so even though Ritsuka had made up his mind that he didn't like it, he didn't let go.

"Well then, I'll come after school tomorrow again."

"You don't have to." Mumbling. He was looking at Soubi's shoulder now.

"Tomorrow we'll go somewhere to eat, okay Ritsuka? You should eat more. Hurry and grow up tall and beautiful."

Well, there wasn't much he could say to that. They kept holding hands.

"Good bye then."

"Bye."

Nobody moved.

"Ritsuka."

Something snapped. Ritsuka snatched back his hand suddenly, eyes wide, twisting away. "No, don't!"

Soubi stared at him.

"Don't ruin it, Soubi! I-" He closed his eyes, somehow he couldn't breathe. "I hate it when you say that!"

Twisting his heel, he ran into the house, slamming the door shut behind him. Soubi stared after him, and then transferred his gaze upwards. The day was dying slowly.

-------------------------------------------------------

Two years ago.

Deep inside his memory.

Locked.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

_"Aniki... what are you doing?"_

Holding each other tightly, so close their breath mingled.

_"Stop it, that kind of tickles."_

Ritsuka's high-pitched giggle, Ritsuka's soft hair, Ritsuka's small, cute mouth.

_"What are you doing, aniki? That feels weird. Hey, wait! It's not funny any more, okay? Stop it!"_

"Ritsuka. I love you."

_"Aniki, don't... don't! STOP!"_

The curve of Ritsuka's small back, Ritsuka's beautiful, bare legs, Ritsuka's fingers pressing against him, Ritsuka's startled breathing.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

The sound of the door slamming open. Yelling-

_"Seimei, what are you doing!"  
_

-Being ripped apart from Ritsuka. Being ripped apart.

_"Seimei, do you want to explain this to me!"_

Whose uncouth and disgusting adult voice was that? More importantly, who was crying? Why are crying, Ritsuka?

"Didn't you hear me? It's okay, because I love you, Ritsuka."

Blood on the floor. Blood on his cheek. Blood and tears.

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka staring with wide eyes. Wide eyes, blank eyes, streaming empty tears. Who was Ritsuka looking at which an expression of such terror?

"Ritsuka, don't you remember?"

Ritsuka's mouth was open. The disgusting adult was holding him. Seimei wanted to hit her, she was making Ritsuka scream.

"Ritsuka, you said you loved me too."

OWARI

------------------------------------------------------

Author's Notes Part 2: Okay, whats going on! No, Seimei didn't actually rape Ritsuka because as can be seen in the series, Ritsuka still has his ears. Once again everything going on is pure speculation/imagination and the result of my frustrating attempts to make sense of the anime series. Someone mentioned that they hoped all the plot holes weren't just for the sake of sexual tension, and I don't think it is... because this is Yun Kouga, so I guess we should trust that she has some kind of explanation up her sleeve for what's going on...

... Oh, SPOILERS up to volume 5 of the manga.

Okay it's clear that Seimei isn't dead and that he staged his own death for some reason. I think the reason has a lot to do with Ritsuka, because after all that's the ONLY thing that Seimei seems concerned about right now. He barely appears to remember that Soubi is still around, which kind of is in line with what they were saying in the anime about how much Soubi loved Seimei but Seimei treated him like a dog.

There's also the mystery about what caused Ritsuka's loss of memory and alteration of personality two years ago which Kouga-sensei has yet to reveal. I'm sure it has to do with Seimei though, because _everything_ has to do with Seimei. It just seems to me that Seimei went to great lengths to mess Ritsuka up (i.e. incinerating himself in front of him), after he was already messed up from the loss of his memory and his crazy mother (although actually his mother may be a lot less crazy than we take her for - e.g. she's actually completely aware that Seimei is still alive and trying to hurt Ritsuka). All his actions prior to his "death" and after it, all have to do with Ritsuka (although his death warrant might be some reason too), so he either really really hates Ritsuka or really really loves him, probably both. If you keep reading the manga, it certainly seems some kind of incestuous feeling existed on Seimei's part, but whether it stems from love, or hate, or jealousy, I'm not sure.

As for Soubi, it's obvious to me that Seimei was just using him for some purpose to be accomplished in the future... probably to do with further destroying Ritsuka's sanity... i.e. he knew that if he sent Soubi to Ritsuka after his death, Ritsuka would definately come to rely on him and love him, and that if he asked Soubi to love Ritsuka the other would definately comply. It's unknown whether Soubi's actual love for Ritsuka stems from more than this - it certainly seems to appear so - and whether Seimei knew this would happen (though I wouldn't put it passed him), if he was testing Soubi too, or if he even cares.

In any case it's the real Seimei and Ritsuka relationshop thats the mystery here. Unfortunately at the rate the manga is going we might have to wait a while before it's revealed!

Thanks for listening to my ramblings, and I hope you enjoyed the story (although it was depressing lol). I'm actually a Soubi x Ritsuka 'shipper (if only those two could get over themselves and get it on together!), so maybe I'll write a few happier fics in the future.

As always, review! I want to hear your thoughts! (O)/


End file.
